The emotional cost of lying about oneself

People lie. This is how it is and the sooner we accept it the better. It is true that lying is frowned upon, but this means that, on average, we emit 1.66 white lies and 0.41 lies Big per person per day. And in this context, with an increasingly aggressive professional world, why not take advantage of it?

Based on this, ‘fake it till you make it’ became so popular. The only drawback is that it has some issues.

Fake it till you make it. It is unclear when the phrase “fake it till you make it” was coined. It has connectors A song by Simon and Garfunkelother They traced it back to William James (one of the fathers of contemporary psychology) and some They date it to the mid-19th century. Either way, popularized by productivity books, the phrase has become extremely popular advice.

In the first lesson, the concept of “asserting confidence, competence and an optimistic mindset” can mean that after a while, “those qualities will actually develop in real life”.

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No one is going to catch you (in principle). Lying is a good short-term strategy because, despite what is commonly thought, we are very bad at detecting when someone is lying. The possibility of knowing whether a person is lying or not 54%.

That is, little is better than chance. actually, As Juan Ramon Barada explainsProfessor of Psychology at the University of Zaragoza, not even 4% because of our power, but “Conspicuous liars“, who simply do not know how to lie.

On the fly, in the moment of lying, even the best-trained professionals (police, judges or prosecutors) cannot reliably catch a liar.

So why don’t we do it more? The big question is, No? If it’s so hard for anyone to catch us, why don’t we take advantage of it? Firstly because we are not as smart as we think. Just because they don’t catch us in the moment, doesn’t mean they won’t catch us. Lies are usually caught, of course; But they get caught after the fact: when their stories change and their versions begin to fail.

This already suggests that lying can be costly in the medium-long term. However, there are many other factors to consider. As I said at the beginning, most people They consider it immoral to lie others. And it, in general, affects everyone.

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It’s not morality, it’s self-defense. And the most accepted theories tell us so This is precisely because we are bad at identifying them. It would be a “cultural adaptation” to mitigate the negative effects that lying can have on social structures. Internalization of a social equilibrium that has socio-evolutionarily proven better than others.

Lies have a price. Whether for that or any other reason, we know the emotional cost of lying is high. Especially if we lie about ourselves. According to Polish researcher Cantero and his team, lies are told about oneself Harmful effect on self-esteemEspecially on the same day. actually, It will suffice to remember that one has lied For low self-esteem to occur.

In hindsight, if the strategy works well, we may reevaluate what happened and believe that faking it was a good choice. But the data are consistent with the idea that, at that point, lying about oneself creates a well-weighted psychological year.

So what is there to save from that idea? If we’re being harsh, we have to admit that there are usually quite a few things lurking under the ‘fake it till you make it’. Pretending that we are not something (or that we have knowledge that we do not have) is not the same as being aware that our lives should not be governed by our feelings, but by a (life) plan.

But it’s not about pretending we feel something we don’t, it’s about knowing, As William James said, Actions and feelings are processes that go hand in hand. It is normal to feel nervous, insecure or afraid in certain situations; The key to changing these feelings is not to wait for them to pass, but to act on them. If we act, the feelings will follow.

Picture | Matt Brown

In BDtechsupport | Don’t procrastinate due to laziness or lack of time. It is your mood that is to blame